Saturday, March 24, 2007

Official Google Blog: Vint Cerf speaks out on net neutrality

Official Google Blog: Vint Cerf speaks out on net neutrality
See Doctor Cerf's Presentation on New Realm presented in Brisbane Australia on the 8th of March 2007

Around Town

Dear Ms Vice President and learned colleagues,

The lateness of my reply is due to the extensive market research that we have been undertaking in order to deliver a comprehensive appraisal from the risk assessment perspective.

As you well know, our organisation, Associated Management (ASS MAN) have been at the forefront of evaluating inherent technical and political correctness of important cultural institutions and events such as the “Bottom Pinching Competition’ proposed by our innovative Competition Proposer and supported by the IWMF.

The ASS MAN would like to draw your attention to recent High court decisions regarding proposed bottom pinching event.

'ITALIAN men are known the world over for their wandering eyes (and occasionally wandering hands).
But they will have to clean up their act quickly after the country's High Court overturned a controversial ruling that decreed that pinching a woman's bottom was not a crime.
In January 2001, it was decreed that it was not a crime for a man to pinch or touch a woman's bottom provided it was a 'sudden and isolated action.'
But a panel of judges sitting in Rome have decided that that is no way to treat a woman.
'Fondling buttocks, unquestionably constitutes a sexual act because the perpetrator commits a substantive and concrete intrusion into the victim's sexual sphere,' they said.
'Such acts, albeit superficial, amount to assault.''
Whilst the immediate implications of this groundbreaking decision amount to no less than a potential “cultural suppression” the decision is yet to be tested in Australia and therefore I see it as an opportunity to put this important ‘cultural event’ to the litmus test ‘down under’

With due consideration to the BELLO CULO ASSOC. interest in incorporating this event into its activities and the IWMF proposal to “provoke response in another area of the body also in the vicinity of the gluteus maximus” or “THE HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE” as is commonly known in the industry. The ASS MAN proposes a possible alternative – a slight variation to the ‘bottom pinching’ – the Butt Rub which is in fact a ‘two stroke’ operation and involves the first stroke to be in an upward motion (perpendicular to the home entertainment centre) and ending with a subtle squeezing of said buttock (not unlike the famous Australian tradition of ‘copping a feel’) HOWEVER the Butt Rub MUST end with the downstroke (buttock release and exerting downward pressure – ever so slightly) this can be accomplished with or without sound effects (WOOSH!!) optional.

The ASS MAN asserts that said ‘Butt Rub’ would be outside of the January 2001 ruling and would therefore indemnify all parties concerned.

Of course bottom pinching girls in bikinis has never been contested and it’s the ASS MAN opinion that its unlikely that Rome will ever take action to determine legal implication as indicated by image below demonstrating one of Italy’s finest ‘cultural exports’

I remain at your disposition

Best regards

The ASS MAN team